Affirmations are powerful, and I know this to be 100% true.
Just a few short years ago, the word “affirmations” triggered an automatic eye roll from me. I was a cynic, constant in my disregard for the hippy-dippy self-help wannabees who spouted off their opinions on how I should fix my problems.
Suggestions such as: “I found yoga really helpful”, or “just write down your feelings”, but my favorite was “every morning I like to sit in the sun with a cup of coffee and think about all the things I’m grateful for” – to which I instantly wanted to take a baseball bat to her stupid, smug skull.
The problem was, for me, the very thought of getting out of bed made me want to cry. Having to function, shower, parent, make an income, was overwhelming when mixed in with a marriage separation brought on by infidelity.
I didn’t want to hear what worked for other people – who by the way, were to all appearances, in content marriages.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t begrudge anyone’s happiness, but I do begrudge people thinking they hold the answer to your problems in a single phrase. What most of us need is for our friends, co-workers or family to just be there as a support as we struggle through. If I ask for someone’s opinion, that’s a different story, but don’t imagine you can fix me, especially with platitudes. Offer real support, that actually has a purpose.
WHY ARE AFFIRMATIONS POWERFUL?
I had tried just about everything under the sun to have a more positive attitude; and yes I took their somewhat insincere advice to heart. I tried yoga sporadically, I tried taking time to think about the good things, focusing on other people instead of my own pathetic life. I had tried journalling and watched motivational talks on having a positive, grateful attitude. And guess what? Yeah…., no it didn’t really make a difference.
The problem was, it didn’t feel like me – it felt like another chore to add to the ever growing list of things I HAD to get done. And when you’re suffering from extreme sadness, grief, depression or anxiety, adding anything to that list is overwhelming.
Out of everything I tried, the one thing that rang true for me, and seemed to calm me down was vocalizing the things that I was sad or angry about, and then focusing on the things that I wanted (especially mentally) for the future.
Why affirmations worked for me, is that it changed the way my brain saw the world around me. Even though the situations I was facing hadn’t changed, my viewpoint on them and on myself began to change. I began to see myself as more than a pathetic mess and began to feel more in charge of my life’s trajectory. The positive things my brain heard every day had began to shape it and change it for the better. We get out what we put in…simple.
“SO WHERE DO I START?”
How did I start MY list?
FIRST, I wrote things down based on where I was in my life. Phrases like “It’s okay to not be okay”, “Not every day is going to be a win” and “tomorrow is a new chance to try again” and similar things are a good way to reassure yourself that you don’t need to be perfect.
SECOND, I thought about the things that I wanted to change – but in a way that turned them from something that I was ashamed about, into something I could feel more positive about. For example, instead of saying, “I wish I wasn’t in a bad marriage” you could say “my future relationships will fulfill my emotional needs”. Instead of saying “I wish my job didn’t suck” you can say “I will become the person that will attract my dream job”. Instead of saying “I wish I wasn’t so weak”, you can say “I’m becoming stronger every day”. You get the idea.
THIRD, the things I wanted for the future. Like “I will be successful in (insert your goal here) my handmade business” or “I will set boundaries with toxic people in my life”, or “I will figure out what I really need to feel secure”. There’s absolutely no rule to this, it’s whatever you want, but it should be done with some self reflection about where the line is between contentment and unrealistic expectations.
I MADE MY LIST, NOW WHAT?
Where did I put my affirmation list? I put it on the wall facing my toilet lol, and in front of my desk – places I was sure to see every morning and multiple times during the day. I may not have read them out loud every time, but the brain has a way of soaking up the things it sees and over time, this made an impact on me. I had listed the most important things first – for me the first line said “Everyday, I’m getting stronger”. And yes, I read them out loud more and more as it became less of a foreign concept to me.
As I said before, the affirmations are different for everyone and are bound to change as life changes. But it literally changed my life – not immediately, but gradually over time.
MAKE IT A ROUTINE
When I wrote those things down (and it changed over time) it became the affirmations for my daily life. I made sure that I could see them in places that I was in frequently – such as the fridge or in the bathroom. If you live with other people, maybe you’d like a more private place – but that’s up to you. But nevertheless, they should be put in a place that you’ll see everyday, possibly even multiple times a day.
Take a minute over a cup of coffee or tea, and write down just one thing you can say to yourself every single day that has positivity in it. It will get easier as you go along, as it did for me. It’s amazing to see what you can come up with once you start.
Once I had mastered the affirmations, other things seemed less daunting. And I began to figure out what I needed in order to heal. When life has done it’s worst to us, it’s common to feel worthless and unloved. Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is love our selves. But if we don’t love our selves and find the path to feeling worthy, how can we expect others to see it? Please take the time to show yourselves a little love today, and I wish you well on your journey.
You’re worthy of love.